What I have learned... Relationship Insights

I have recently moved permanently to Auckland, NZ with my husband Kris.

If you are a regular reader of this blog (thank you for that (-:) you may have gathered that my husband and I separated in April last year and following that I went through quite a difficult time whilst travelling in South – and Central America.

After a lot of soul searching on both sides we decided in December last year to re-unite. With me being in Sri Lanka and London and him in NZ and then LA, we managed to spend some time together. I visited him in NZ and fell in love with the country and more importantly I fell in love with my husband again. We decided to move to this magical land of wonders.
My visa has now been approved and I will join Kris tomorrow in NZ for our new beginning.

Being in Bali on my own has been a beautiful opportunity to reflect, rejuvenate and “plot” for the new beginning that lays ahead of me.

What I have learned from the breakup is the following. Obviously everyone’s experience is different, but if this is in any way helpful to some of you, then Wahe Guru (-:

– if there is love between you, then you can make it work!
– Focus on all the things that go well, that you appreciate about each other, that make you happy in the relationship
– Remind yourself why you fell in love with this person in the first place
– You will never 100 % understand them and neither will they understand you and that’s absolutely fine
– Accept and start loving their little quirks, rather than letting them annoy you
– Always be grateful for their presence, their actions, for them challenging you. They might just turn out to be your greatest teacher
– We tend to project our insecurities, doubts and fears onto our partners – they are mirrors to us
– Be your own person. Don’t expect them to be your Happiness Delivery Man or Woman
– Be patient
– Be kind and compassionate (especially to yourself)

And you can never go wrong with the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your Best

Source (Totlec Spirit)

If you are on a spiritual path (like we all are anyway….), but let’s say you started a Yoga Teacher Training, got involved in Plant Medicine etc and feel like your partner doesn’t understand you at all anymore, they are not “spiritual” enough, they hold you back and so on, then try to give them time.

Suddenly you are making those massive changes in your life and expect your partner to move at the the same speed. It is not going to happen!

So, my advice is, don’t make any quick decisions, but rather ask them to be patient with you and explain to them, what you are experiencing. Also, don’t bully them into joining your practice. They are on their own journey and moving at their own pace.
Just focus on yourself and your learning. Remember that we tend to project our fears and insecurities!

Be grateful that they are in your life. After all you have attracted them into it for a reason. Be grateful for them helping you to stay grounded, as otherwise you might just float of somewhere, lose yourself completely …..

Obviously if you really don’t get on anymore, you find yourself sabotaging each other and find yourself being resentful, then it might be time for a little break in order to re-evaluate your relationship and to see things from a different perspective.

We want a relationship to last forever, but who can promise that in 5 years time we still feel the same about each other. And that’s ok as well. Everything changes – always!

So rather than blaming, shaming and guilt- tripping find a way to separate amicably and express your gratitude for the time you had together. If the other person doesn’t respond well to that, then try not to react, but send them love. They are hurt and can’t see beyond their pain.

Keep doing your work, but don’t become fanatic about it. Otherwise you might just have gotten yourself a new attachment. And always remember the first rule of Spirituality: Don’t take yourself too seriously, please!!!!!

Be authentic and honest with yourself and the people around you. You will find your own happiness and if there is someone to share it with, then that’s wonderful.

You are beautiful, bountiful and blissful and you are loved beyond your imagination. AHO ❤️